“I helped! Can you believe it? I helped!” That’s what I yelled at my roommates when I came home after my first karma yogi shift at the studio. I helped. I was bursting with joy at that feeling. I helped. I had no idea I’d missed that so much.
In the years leading up to that moment, I wasn’t able to work. I spent two years at home. At some point, I did start writing. I made it a daily practice. It gave me a reason to get up in the morning and establish a daily routine. It was very helpful. It was also quite lonely.
In my previous job, I had never thought of myself as a helper. I didn’t realize that was a part of my job that brought me joy, but apparently it did. Being able to contribute to something again gave me so much energy that I kept suddenly blurting out, “I helped!” for the rest of the evening. It startled my roommates. I had fun.
I started volunteering as a karma yogi because I was trying to find my way back to work. The UWV (the Employee Insurance Agency) views volunteer work as a way to do that. Now, I don’t agree with everything this agency does, but in this case, they were absolutely right. I had lost confidence in my ability to work and had also completely forgotten the joy it brought me. Slowly, I regained some confidence. I loved contributing to something. Being a part of something.
For a year, I worked as a karma yogi. I did the same work you see all the other wonderful karma yogis doing in the studio. There are all kinds of different tasks, but at the heart of it, they’re all about helping. People come for all sorts of reasons: to get back into the swing of working, to enjoy the free yoga class they get in return, or simply to be around other people. But whatever brings them there, they’re volunteering their time because they want to help.
After that year as a karma yogi at the studio, I seemed to have a bit more energy. Maybe, I thought, I could do something else for the studio. I loved the Dharma Talks, the philosophy of yoga, and I love writing. Writing happened to be part of my old job as well. Maybe I could combine the two? I talked to Sharon about it, and in short: yes, I could. And so I started writing this column.
Today I did my column homework by reading *The Bhagavad Gita* and learning about Dharma—your duty, the work that is, by its very nature, your calling, the thing you take to like a duck to water. Years ago, I decided to quit my creative job. No more of that. I was going to do something completely different. Then I started writing, but, you know, just for my own joy and peace. I started working at the studio as a karma yogi. And at some point, I started doing something creative again. Now I’ve been writing this monthly column for a year, and my love for my old job is slowly creeping back in.
So I realized two things. First, this ancient philosophy has, once again, surprised me with how relevant it is today. And second, I guess this duck is swimming again. Quack, quack.
Esther is a writer, creator, and yogi from Amsterdam. She is a student and Karma Yogi at Studio 108 and does her best to be kind, gentle, and to laugh whenever she stumbles.
