“I helped! Can you believe it? I helped!” That’s what I yelled at my roommates when I came home after my first karma yogi shift at the studio. I helped. I was bursting with joy at this feeling. I helped. I had no idea I had missed that so much.
In the years before that moment, I wasn’t able to work. I spent two years at home. At some point, I did start writing. I made it a daily practice. It was a reason to get up in the morning and have a daily routine. Very helpful. Also, quite lonely.
In my previous job I had never thought of myself as a helper. I didn’t know that was a part of my job that brought me joy, but apparently it did. Contributing to something again gave me so much energy I kept suddenly bursting out “I helped!” for the rest of the evening. It startled my roommates. I had fun.
I started volunteering as a karma yogi because I was trying to find my way back to work. The UWV (The Employee Insurance Agency) sees volunteer work as a way to do so. Now, I don’t agree with everything this agency does, but in this case, they were very right. I had lost trust in all my working abilities and had also completely forgotten the joy it brought me. Slowly, I gained some confidence again. I loved contributing to something. Being a part of something.
For a year I worked as a karma yogi. I did the same work as you see all the other lovely karma yogis do in the studio. There are all kinds of different tasks, but at the heart of it, they’re all about helping. People come to it for all sorts of reasons: to get used to working again, to enjoy the free yoga class you get in return, or simply to be around other people. But whatever brings them there, they’re contributing their time because they want to help.
After that year as a karma yogi at the studio, I seemed to get some more energy. Maybe, I thought, I could do something else for the studio. I loved the Dharma Talks, the yoga philosophy, and I love writing. Writing happened to be part of my old job as well. Maybe I could combine it? I talked to Sharon about it, and in short: yes, I could. And so I started writing this column.
Today I did my column homework reading The Bhagavad Gita, learning about Dharma. Your duty. The work that is by nature your calling. The thing you take to like a duck to water. Years ago I decided to quit my creative job. No more of that. I was going to do something else entirely. Then I started to write but, you know, just for my own joy and peace. I started working at the studio as a karma yogi. And at some point I started to do a creative thing again. Now I have been writing this monthly column for a year, and the love for my old job is creeping back in.
So I realized two things. One: this ancient philosophy has, again, surprised me with its relevance today. And two: I guess this duck is swimming again. Quack, quack.
Esther is a writer, creator, and yogi from Amsterdam. She is a student and Karma Yogi at Studio 108 and does her best to be kind, gentle, and to laugh whenever she stumbles.
